I want to stick my p in your. b.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
