Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
