non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You've changed since you got that strap on
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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