time to smoke my breakfast
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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