oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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