I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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