Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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