Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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