there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize