i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
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My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
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I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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