I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
