I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
