My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
