I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
