I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
