I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
