I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So. Much. Porn.
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