If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
