He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
