he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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