I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
