i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
