Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
