My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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