WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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