he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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