you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
