I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Where is the hickey?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
