Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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