My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
