just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
