somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
