I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
