I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
