you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
