I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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