they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
