Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
