YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
