My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
