So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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