I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
