mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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