ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
tell me about the fingering
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