just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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