you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
