Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
