A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
