Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
