I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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