If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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