I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
