i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
