Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
