i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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