Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
