just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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