her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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