I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
