Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
