I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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