ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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