well I can't set my house on fire every night
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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