He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
