you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
