My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
